This artistic endeavour is a deeply personal journey into the layers of the silent imprints of postcolonial migration. In my art-practice, I am developing the concept of ‘never leaving never arriving’ through the examination of colonial heritage. I am a multidisciplinary research-based artist working with various mediums through which the core practice is “learning to speak again through the visual arts”. I like to use tools of painting, sewing, filming, and writing to express female of colour silences. This leads me to pursue the following questions in my art practice – How to use gifts from the privilege that comes from being a daughter of colonialism? How to extend personal struggles into broader societal issues? How to create a multilayered visual narrative that explores emotional geography sharing both the articulated and unarticulated?

Bodily time line

1972:   Born on July 3, India, but according to Marguerite Yourcenar your place of birth is your first memory.

1973:   1 year old

1974:   2 years old: Moved to England, but the cow, goat and mango tree were not a part of my luggage.

1975:   3 years old. First memories.

1976:   4 years old: A five penny piece got stuck in my throat. I managed to remove it with my fingers.

1977:   5 years old: A boy bit into my right arm at a nursery. It did not hurt. I still have a small scar on my arm, but you can hardly see it anymore.

1978:   6 years old: Mum started showing signs of depression, or that was when I started to notice it.

1979:   7 years old: I was afraid that I might be god.

1980:   8 years old: Michael pushed me into wet cement on the pavement leaving my footprint on my street for years.

1981:   9 years old: My brother told me that I was going to be married-off soon.

1982:   10 years old: Checked how much my feet had grown against my footprint in the cement.

1983:   11 years old: Deliberately failed in an exam because I did not want to go to an all-girls school.

1984:   12 years old: Started my menstruation.

1985:   13 years old

1986:   14 years old

1987:   15 years old: Realised that I made a mistake choosing this secondary school.

1988:   16 years old: Choosing A-Levels. Are you ready to be an artist?

1989:   17 years old: everytime I see a tarot deck I am too scared to approach it. Don’t understand this attraction, afraid of this attraction.

1990:   18 years old

1991:   19 years old: Attended Kingston Business School, and visited the art department.

1992:   20 years old: Lived the American dream for a year.

1993:   21 years old: Met a girl that was graduating from St Martins.

1994:   22 years old: Visited India for the first time. Graduated in Business and Finance.

1995:   23 years old: Tried smoking marijuana; was not successful.

1996:   24 years old: Still did not fit in. Moved to Holland.

1997:   25 years old: Started working at Ersnt & Young International Department, Amsterdam.

1998:   26 years old

1999:   27 years old: Tracey Emin “Bed” nomination of the Turner Prize. I had a well-paid job, a car, and a house.

2000:   28 years old: Travelled in Kenya.

2001:   29 years old: Travelled in Alaska.

2002:   30 years old: Travelled in Costa Rica. Passed my Chartered Accountant exams. Still did not fit in.

2003:   31 years old: Realised that money can make life easier but not necessarily happier.

2004:   32 years old: Carried on working as an Accountant. I felt like a fraud. Pretending to be something. Moved to Greece. Stopped working, and realised how important light is.

2005:   33 years old: Mella was born. She fitted in.

2006:   34 years old

2007:   35 years old: Jay was born. He fitted in.

2008:   36 years old: Moved back to Holland.

2009:   37 years old: Decided to go to art schoolJ. Are you ready to be an artist?

2010:   38 years old: Was told that I was too old to become an artist.

2011:   39 years old: Still do not dare tell anyone that I do not know what an artist is.

2012:   40 years old: Laila told me that I am always saying sorry.

2013:   41 years old: Can’t apply to many institutions and prizes due to age limits. Feel like I am already written-off before I got started. Travelled in New Zealand.

2014:   42 years old: Moved to Bratislava. Are you ready to be an artist?  Yes. But how, when nobody is looking for you?

2015:   43 years old: Had a tumour removed from inside my head. The body recovered well. Must go on medication. Gave up my RA title.

2016:   44 years old: Went to visit Kafka’s grave. Moved back to Holland. Back to art school. Back to chasing a dream. I was allowed to stop taking my medication, my body did not need it anymore. Thank you, body.

2017:   45 years old: Graduated from HKU Art Academy, Utrecht. Travelled to Tanzania. Got invited to participate in exhibitions. Felt insufficient so I signed up for the master’s programme, and got accepted. Sold my car and started to use the public transport.

2018:   46 years old: Mum passed away in her sleep in the morning. Sunny followed soon after and then in the during New Year’s 2019 Dad passed away in the early morning. All three in their beds.  My dog Troy was born. We brought him home in October. 

2019:   47 years old: Dealing with my silence, I wished to break through the 4th wall. Heritage, citizenship and identity become urgent matters, because of Brexit, and the current migration situation. Having difficulties with my dog and my naïve thoughts that all dog owners were social people. Got my master’s in fine art 

2020:   48 years old: Did I ever arrive? Did I ever depart? What happens in this time of passage? Stopped trying to fit in. Create my own world. Look for love and friendship. Corona pandamic is here. My dog Troy is happy that the family is home all the time. Happy that mum, dad and Sunny passed away before the wave of pandemonic with Covid, and the realisation that I would not be able to attend their funerals and be with the family in UK.

2021: 49 Rejection, unsuccessful.

2022: 50 Rejection, unsuccessful. Time to heal, but how? Finally found the courage to pick up a tarot card deck and ordered two sets.

2023: 51 – successful – got the Mondriaan Funds. Found out about the virginity testing that took place in the UK between 1968 and 1979.  Always wanted to make a work with neon lights, now I have the topic. Started reading my birth chart with an astrologer. It’s time to work with mums’ depression. Feeling hurt all the time by other people, need to build some healthy boundaries.

2024: STOP PEOPLE PLEASING!!! Reduced my contract with the HKU, not enjoying the work anymore. Want to teach more but not able to find this position. Decided to do an advanced masters in Antwerp. Nice people. Feeling I fit in. My son finally admitted that he is smoking.

2025: Time to go inwards an open my expansive inner world. Embrace the hermit inner being.

 

2026, 2027, 2028, 2029, 2030, 2031,

2032, 2033, 2034, 2035, 2036, 2037,

2038, 2039, 2040, 2041, 2042, 2043,

2044, 2045, 2046, 2047, 2048, 2049,

2050, 2051, 2052, 2053, 2054, 2055,

2056, 2057, 2058, 2059, 2060, 2061,

2062, 2063, 2064, 2065, 2066.